But he was a guard dog. That is so not the right occupation for a dog named Barney. Furthermore, he was a guard dog in a children's museum in Wookey Hole. How, I ask you, is any self-respecting dog going to take that seriously.
Well, Barney didn't. Or actually, they say he cracked. Because one day he went on a rampage (they called it a 'rampage'), and chewed up a collection of teddy bears worth $900,000.
He actually went so far as to rip off the head of Marbel, a teddy bear Elvis Presley once owned worth $75,000. Apparently the owner, who isn't Elvis anymore, wasn't pleased.
This happened six years ago, which makes Barney twelve years old now. I could find no information as to where Barney is. Surely this wasn't the kind of transgression that would get him put down. After all, dogs chew up teddy bears all the time. Teddy bears are just asking for it. They are so darned cute, and smell good from all the kissing and hugging they get...although I wonder how often Elvis kissed and hugged Marbel. I bet I could find out the answer to that question...but I'll pass.
I think that fateful day Barney just went off his rocker with joy. He finally let the real reason toys exist get to him, and he began to play with manic ferociousness. He couldn't help himself. It could have been overdosing on dulce de leche icecream, but Barney didn't have access to that. Instead he had all those priceless teddy bears.
Of course he didn't know they were priceless. All he knew is they smelled of love, and he wanted some. He wanted some in a big way.
I hope Barney's owners took note, and began to give him love. In a big way.